Two steps forward, one step backward

Right now, it feels like that one step is huge, but never mind, we'll get to that.

We've been away again, which is why I'm slacking on the old blog posts. Sorry about that! Not that anyone other than me reads the blog yet anyway, so I guess no-one will notice! We've been up to visit the inlaws, who live in Wrexham, North Wales... I like to tease them that they are Welsh, but they protest that they were all born in and around Chester, in England!

It was lovely for Niblet to see his grandparents, and his great-grandparents. I don't have any grandparents left myself, so for my husband to have three is quite astounding! Niblet loved it - he loves to be made a fuss of and to play with new toys. He was a little daunted at times - when there were people walking towards him that he didn't know (or that he didn't like the look of), he just sat down wherever he was, and refused to move!


One step forward...

He's into everything though, and is getting really good at walking - it will be nice when he can do it unaided, although it will mean that I need to do some major de-cluttering! He's a bright little button too - he worked out how to undo a wooden bolt to get into a cupboard, and then worked out how to take out a wooden spoon that we had been using to jam the handles of another cupboard shut to stop him getting to it! I think the time has come to baby-proof!

We did put some corner protectors onto our side table, but he pulled them right off! He also used them as a teething toy! Funny, isn't it, how you can buy any number of proper teethers, and all he wants is the edge of a table, or whatever trousers I happen to be wearing!



Two steps forward...

We saw the gastroentirologist locally again. He was much more civil this time, and seemed even to be human. I think it helped having my husband with me, and being able to say that we had tried his suggestions (even if we don't like them). He seemed more open to discussing options with us, rather then just making me feel like a bad mother. It's funny, isn't it? When the so-called professionals aren't willing / able to find what is wrong with your baby, instead of sending you to someone who can, they belittle you, and make you feel that it is your fault?! Sorry, rant over.

Anyway... Niblet has put on weight - he now weighs 9.1kg (20lbs) which puts him back at the 50th centile for weight - he's not been there since he was nine weeks old... It's taken us a whopping 35 weeks!  Still, he's so much happier now, that I don't mind how long it has taken.

We discussed tests that had been run on Niblet, and we realise that he has never been tested for Coeliac, even though it seems the most obvious solution when there is a gluten intolerance. I'm not convinced it is that, but at least they are finally rethinking things, and trying things to improve his life. So, in preparation for testing, we need to re-introduce wheat and gluten, for the next 1 - 3 months. He'll be tested sooner if he is symptomatic, longer if he is not. I'm scared to do it, but oh so enjoying the bread.

Bread. MMM. BREAD! It's amazing, where have you been for the past 7 months? Oh how I have missed you. Sandwiches are back on the menu, Niblet gets to try Weetabix for the first time. Catering just got easier. My baking is now only vegan, not wheat free too. So why am I still so worried about it all?

Last time we introduced wheat to him, in a bid to re-introduce elimination diet foods, within one week he was miserable, two and he refused to feed at all. He was awful, and really hard work. He wouldn't eat, sleep, or be himself. He was clearly in a lot of discomfort, and I don't want to put him through that again. If it weren't for the fact that this is a means to an end, and maybe a diagnosis, I'm not sure I would reintroduce it yet.

We started back on wheat on Thursday. Today he's got much looser stools, and he didn't want any liquids or solids all day. He ate supper, but didn't have his bed time feed. It will be interesting to see what the next few days bring, but hey, a potential diagnosis? That's a step forward, right?

And one step back....

I found out tonight that my big brother has testicular cancer.

He's the healthy one of the family, he's the protector, the wild one that always wins out. He's got a new wife, and they've not got a baby on the way. He can't have cancer. It's just not fair.

I feel lost, and so useless. I don't know how I can help support them, what I can do to make sure he wins this battle too.

They live three hours away from me, near where the rest of my family live. These days, we're the only ones left in our birth-town!

He goes in on Thursday to have the testicle removed, and then he has recovery, before having to have a full body CT scan to check whether it has spread. He'll then need to get some sperm frozen so he can have more children, before having chemo to make sure that it has all gone.

I'm in shock. I saw him a week ago, and they were doing great. I wonder if they knew then? It must be so hard to be planning for your family's future whilst not knowing your own.

Please, do me a favour. Check your balls, or your partner's. Find out whilst it is still small, and there is still a good chance of doing something about it.